It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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