im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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