wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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