Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
