I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
