the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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