Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
