I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
