my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
