But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
