Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
