i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
