Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
