Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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