if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I lost the right to judge tonight
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize