he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
