Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
