Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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