another moral hangover. fuck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
