I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
a search helicopter?!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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