I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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