your parents love me but you hate me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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