Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My penis needs a shock collar
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
