her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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