it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
