I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How naked do you want me to be?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
