So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
