I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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