You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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