dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
