my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
