im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
