The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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