Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
