No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
