A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
