I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
third nipple confirmed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
