I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
