so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
