I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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