let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
