My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
