He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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