I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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