I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
