Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
