My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
