So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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