You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
