Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Say something about gay babies.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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