We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
