The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize