My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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