So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
