I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
