evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
