Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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