I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
