im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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