Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
