What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
