Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
