I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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