I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
