how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
