well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
