Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
